Stop Shoulding On Yourself

I remember the first time I heard this phrase. I was sitting in a group of other people, seeking support for challenges we were facing, and someone said something along the lines of, "I'm trying to learn how not to should all over myself." I immediately loved it and began using it in my everyday life.

So many of us go through life with higher expectations than are realistic or healthy. We seek perfection: the perfect house, the perfect job, the perfect family. When we fail to meet those expectations, as we almost always will, we can get depressed, defeated, and burned out. Here are some phrases I thought to myself as a new parent and/or have heard other parents-to-be use as well:

I should enjoy being pregnant.

I should be able to birth my baby without pain relief.

I should have been able to birth my baby vaginally.

I should know how to breastfeed without someone else helping me out.

I should be able to get right back to taking care of my household once the baby is here.

I should not bother people by asking for help.

I should be able to do it all.

Sound familiar? All of this should-ing just stinks up our mental spaces and lowers our confidence. Instead of shoulds, let's look at what we are actually experiencing. How about

Growing my baby was hard, and I did it.

Birthing in the operating room was very scary, and I was very brave.

I fed my baby with love and focused attention.

I asked a friend to take care of my baby for a couple of hours while I took a much-needed nap to refresh my mind and body.

I hired a doula to support me in the first weeks after birth so I can focus on healing and bonding.

Today I challenge you to celebrate the ways you show up and do not give yourself credit for. Birthing babies and parenting children are no easy tasks, and the things we easily dismiss are often the very things that make us great. Let's praise ourselves for jobs done, even when they are not jobs perfectly or even well done. Sometimes, just showing up is more than enough.